So what if ive done well for all my previous exams.
So what?

Now that i finally know that im in deep shit, all my mother can say is how she is worried at my apparent "failure" due to my "decline". and how do you define this "decline"? by my watching of American Idol, just because it airs at 10pm ("too late!" she says). Just because I believe, very deeply, in having my Saturdays off. Just because i believe im not a machine, i cant work fucking 7 days a week;

just because i believe im HUMAN.

Great. Now even she doesnt believe in me. You know sometimes i think even though i dont think i can make it sometimes, it's always these few people building the foundations of my support that pushes me on. Yet...

Yet, stuff happens eh. I guess this is what happens when you stop running your race. Some people try to motivate you while running past, others who've always had this thing against you give you a kick or two, and no matter what happens, your mother's always there to give you an earful.

you know, i really wonder, what if i ever became an artist? What if i ever become a writer? Will i still be able to retain that same support ive been having over the years, not earning the same type of income as a lawyer or a doctor? Should i just have been some normal science student who'd grow up to love physiotherapy as much as her mother did? Well too bad (maybe for me more than anybody) life obviously doesn't work the way you want it all the time.

Actually, today i was supposed to blog about what happened on my way out of school after art.

While walking out, this mentally disabled boy (maybe about primary 5) was walking towards me, waving to someone/thing. I walked past him thinking of my school work, my screwed examinations, everything else except... him, i guess. then suddenly,

"Jie jie! Jie jie!"

I turned around and there he was, behind me.

"Hello, Hello!" He was right in front of me but he was shouting happily, waving.

"Hello." I smiled at him and waved back, but he wasn't satisfied with that. Repeating his "hellos" again, he waved his palm and touched his fingers to mine. I was surprised, but not overly perturbed.

I walked away, and then after 5 seconds or so i heard it again. "Jie Jie!" This time i wasn't sure whether he was referring to me, or whether i should respond. but after he repeated it i turned around. And from the distance he said,

"Jie Jie you are pretty."

And this was supposed to be about how this touched me deep within, not because someone had called me pretty, but because it gave me a reality check. While all this time the only things i had to say about my appearance was how long my face was, how big my bum was, how high my forehead was yaddayadda, to this boy, all these didn't matter to this little boy at all. Fashion trends and fads didn't mean a thing to him, and he just said what he felt.

I was thinking-- since when have we been given this chance to reflect on ourselves? On how much we, through our education, should have been learning to appreciate, and not to only want more? How much we should be aware of our surroundings not only to criticise it, but to give it its fue respect and compliments as well? After all, this GP question "All beautiful things in life are free" didn't come about for no reason.

But well, i guess maybe shutting up and studying would now be the best way to "appreciate" all beautiful things cuz without that A cert, everything would probably just look pretty much shitty.