Big Girls Dont Cry

Lately Ive become somewhat schizoid; my mind battles constantly to establish what it asserts is the direction for my physical body while knowing that its decision might very well be schewed by the limitations of my physical stamina. As the saying goes, "The mind is willing but the flesh is weak."

Since the start of Term 3 i struggle everyday to get to school-- the catalyst that would spark off a whole series of actions i have to take in response to the responsibilities i take on as a student in Junior College.How easy it would have been to fake ignorance for the fear of trial, to immerse oneself in play to delay work? Yet again, how difficult to go against what one believes in and to take conscious action to what will lead to later, but inevitably dire consequences.

As Jing and I talked we touched on the recipe to success, with Jingboy coming up with a brilliantly apt (extended?) metaphor. "Belief is not enough... Its like a wok, or more accurately, the fire. Without it, you wouldn't be able to do anything, to cook anything. But success comes when you combine all your ingredients and a wok with fire. Fire alone is not enough." A thought provoking coinage that questioned what i had believed in all along-- that my belief was enough to avail. And i guess in reality, its true-- as can be seen with my current love-hate relationship with Religion.

I asked Jingboy yesterday whether i needed a religion as a constant source of assurance and guidance; even though the fact that we turn to need for divine solace is only inspired by our selfish needs of a perpetual source of (a facade of?) comfort. After all, that is what religion promises to provide-- how often have we faced setbacks and told ourselves that "God wouldn't put me through what Im not capable of overcoming" and emerged the victor as a result?

But yesterday, Jingxin replied that "The purpose of the having a religion differs for every individual." And i guess that's true even though the underlying reason for acknowledging the existence of an omnipotent figure stays more or less the same-- we want someone who does the planning ahead for us, who cheers us on through our everyday trudging, who sets the standards of who we can be and who we can become. All we need to give in exchange is our sworn allegiance, and our devotion to the relationship (which is sparked off by a self centered need, anyway!)

But then i realised that the reasons for having a religion are not as complicated as the reasons for not having one. As mentioned, having a religion brings two parties into a win-win situation. After all, who worships a God that goes against the beliefs and overall wants of the individual? Even cults, paganistic worship and other less modern religions such as Animistic worship thrive till today because they seek to allay the innate needs and desires of their followers; despite how morally twisted their dogma can be.

Not having a religion forces one to think of the true reasons before engaging in one (or at least it does for me!) I would like to find out the true nature of the supreme being without having to listen and believe from others' viewpoints; and Id like to envisage the day when people dont come to me to morph me into their beliefs, but would assume that i am of a certain belief because of the things i do.


Late for school, gotta go. Im meeting Evan, yay!