Thanks for the Memories

It's not everyday that I talk about my secondary school days, and for a pretty good reason.

Think hard, especially if you're around my age (or older). Sweep away the initial layer of still life snapshots of people, things, events and moments you want to remember, till you get to the grit and grime of things you wish you had forgotten, moments you wish you died on the spot and times you don't talk about anymore. (Was that even me?)

It's easy to remember who's who in the past. Who was famous, who was not, who was up to ears in snot. Think hard; do you remember any annoying attention seeking brats who wish they were part of the cool crowd, and always made a big fuss over the small stuff? How about fashion misfits? Or maybe even the school's total bitch?

Sadly, I was probably throughout my secondary school years a big part of all three. Not only was I constantly screaming for attention (Lydia can gladly attest to that, haha), trying to stand out of the crowd by being different and throwing myself into the limelight in anyway possible, I would patronise people and treat friendships, relationships superficially. Many of my friends probably got turned off by my need for acknowledgment, or probably couldnt stand the screaming.

Fashion Misfit? Totally. In case you didn't watch the video, I was constantly trying to show that I was different through what I wore. I knew that I didn't look good so I'd pile on the accessories, tuck out my shirt, roll up my skirt, wear half of my socks and hope someone would notice. Well, anyone except Mr Fong, of course, who'd fix my attire right away to my dismay (all that hard work!)

I joined volleyball because the outfit looked cool. Prior to that, I had no fucking idea what the sport involved. Didn't even know if you used your hands or feet, for God's sake. Yes, it didn't matter that my thunder thighs bulged out under my itsy-bitsy panty-short, all I knew was that cool people joined volleyball, the cool sport. Which had won lots of awards. So i signed myself up for it straight away.

So yes, in other words, I was a total loser.

Ironically, when I (slowly) stopped paying attention to attention, I got something better-- a person who understood me. To date, I don't keep in touch with anyone in my secondary school except Jing Xin, my boyfriend. I join his friends Pu Yuan, Chien Tat and some other NAS people for soccer once a week or so, but theyre more his friends than mine. It's one of the biggest regrets in life I have today, that I didnt cherish my time in secondary school to make good friends (or at least not make a fool out of myself.)

So, in light of everything, I know this doesn't change anything but it's something important to me, I guess. I think it's perfectly alright if people still think I am a gross brat today, I was a gross brat and everyone's allowed to think what they want. I just want to thank some people who made my secondary school life easier (even though i was all three whatthfuck can you believe people like these exist?!)

Sien, Sophia and Esther were my best friends in Sec 1 and 2, and we gradually lost touch. Sien was someone I really looked up to (being 168cm) and I had always admired how she much of a multi-tasker she was. We shared alot of good times together and I was sad to see them go. Bernie was in my Sec 3 and 4 literature class, and she made it alot less of a pain in the ass than it could have been. She was always funny and crazy and quirky. And smart, in her own way.

The list would be endless if I included everyone I wanted to thank in a small way or another. But I guess its like that-- in life, you dont cherish things you have till you lose them. Of course, the best thing I got out of my secondary school education is my relationship with Jing Xin and Im not going to let that go :)