I blew it. Cold, dead ember.
No more tears, just silence.

Nike Human Race Singapore

Oops

Okay change "average (Singaporean?) blogger" to some bloggers.

Why you shouldnt eat meat

If you dont watch it, you're fooling yourself, just as I once did. It's heartbreaking, but documentary-like so you understand what the point of watching this is.



For more information, go to Meat.org

And just a side-note; i believe watching this doesn't force you to be a vegetarian, but the argument goes as such that if you've watched the video and want to do something to help stop animal cruelty then being a vegetarian is a great way to start. Personally, Im still eating meat until i can find suitable and accessible dietary substitutes, but i'll do my best to reduce intake while I'm at it :)

Yuck.

I wonder if you enjoy being an attention whore-- or if you are just a whore.


The colloquialist might be pretty much quieter from this time onwards till the end of the A levels. Effectively, I've got 15 days to finish my A Level Coursework in full, approximately 2 weeks after that to prepare for Mocks and hopefully 5 weeks for A levels. Even though the computer's been miraculously fixed (after dying on me right before prelims) i think it wont do to be distracted at this point of time online shopping or blogstalking.

Another reason for distancing myself from blogging, at least temporarily, is the fact that while the nature of my blog has, for me, simply been to serve as a record of the daily going ons in my life, for some it is a warped way of portraying a self identity that doesnt exist. What's true and false are blurred in the whirl of colours, fonts, pictures and thesaurus.com-aided words. While you may call that the whole essence of intrigue in cyberworld, to me that's just a plain turn-off, especially when you are nothing like your cyberself in stark, stark reality.

I'm hoping for a blog revamp at the end of the year with a clearer focus of what i want in a blog. Looking at too many facades, and realising that your attempts at capturing reality result in a similar veneer (despite how much you try not to) is really quite distasteful.

Plus seriously, i cannot stand how the average (Singaporean?) blogger tries to up the sex factor without explicitly stating that you've been fucked, always treading the fine line between sexy and slutty. Even if you've done the deed, please do take responsibility when airing your laundry, dirty or not, and dont blame the poor widdle internet when word goes out that you've lost your virginity (again?).


Blogging, pah. What happened to undiscovered geniuses? Looks like we've unleashed a worldwide dominion of idiocy.

Post Prelims, Pre Art.

Actually, I've decided I want to invest in a good digital camera, a budget of $500? Cant really stand the quality of the photographs taken now, they seem really dull.



Shopping for Teacher's day stuffs was really productive with Deb and Evan being the high speed shepherds. Sometimes i really thank people like these who take the initiative to help out when they see that things need to be done, and not expect others to do the work all the time. We've got our gifts ready (almost) but a final picture will be taken tomorrow after we've gotten EVERYTHING.

Went to Marks and Spencers to get organic choc and Deb bought pigs! look look!



And then one fell on the floor, arghh?! but it looked so happy there i was quite ready to leave it as it was, until deb threw it away and it occurred to me that if it was stepped on it wouldnt look so happy anymore haha.






Dear Art

Im putting everything aside for you these two weeks. Im not going out, meeting people in the day, doing any other subjects. Just, please, prove to me that you're worth it. I want that A.

Yours Truly
Desperate.

40 and Swinging Sassy?

I want to look like her when im older.




Really, this isnt even about her sense of fashion anymore (though her vintage look really shines through), it's all about personal style. And i think i admire the way she doesn't hesitate to play with raw effeminity when she's got really masculine features.

Please full-view, i think it's worth it.

Art is never the end, its only just the beginning.

Hidden photos ((: i like rediscovering them. Here's jiayi's and my triumphant moment with our medals of achievements. No money, got gain.



I have the same $2.90 pencil as deb and evan now because they had the same pencils initially until deb thought that she had spoiled hers and bought another one, and it was only upon telling us that we repaired her faithful despondent. Now its with me so yay for the three of us! Plus look at Auswin's face hahaha.




Quality over quantity, i always say.











And same here too :))




Hock Lam Beef noodles-- it always helps to have a foodie buddy with you.




Tau Huey and Miscellaneous. Met Carolyn and Jesselene today, how coincidental was that?! And ive decided not to get any vertical hairclips because my hair looks like, as quoted from Historian Jingboy, "a horse tail". I do agree though it looks really awkward and we both think its cuz my hair isnt thick enough. bummer.





ELF products are here whoopee!





and a very goodnight to you too.

Breaking Point

UPDATES

History paper was the most disastrous in my entire jc life, considering how much i've worked my ass off these whole two years. 4 paged sbq, one 3 paged essay and two 1 paged ones.

Nike Bag's really neat but a fucking pain in the arse when you have to lug it all around citylink and raffles city.

Hugs to evan, cheer up deb. i promise to make more time for the two of you and save money so you two dont need to treat me all the time. and wait for me. all the time. waffles were good ad i still hate gloria jeans, haha.

total reduction to a pathetic mess at home contemplating the whole irony of slogging so hard to maintain good grades throughout all my papers only to mess up my prelims. I just needed someone and someones were there for me :)

thinking of skipping math and lit but figured it'll make me only more miserable when explaining to my mum, and myself.

blog looks like shit now but at least one things righting itself-- com is working again at home. haha.



I'm giving it one last try.

Im Loving Angels Instead

Deb came to accompany me at school today! She appeared out of nowhere like an unkempt angel and then got chased out of the library for wearing shorts and pe top anyway. haha what a loser angel.

and my other angel and deb are treating me to 1/2 priced gelare waffles tomorrow!


not to mention my phone angel who is always there to talk to me no matter whether he has time. "I dont complicate my girlfriend with my work" haha! not when your deadline's at 2.30pm goondoo.

Dysfunctional

I realised, after a little calculation, that I am currently $50 in debt.
Brain is in denial; help i need you to work!!

This is NOT good.


(i know this has got to do with nothing but while typing out my Hist notes i accidentally typed "Deng Xiao Pig" and found it quite funny. haha!)

Barely

GOSH MY BLOG IS SOOO BORING.

exam tests study exam tests study exam tests study
sounds like exam testes. HAHA.


okay shaddup retard bean brain, i like this quote from sylvia plath's A Birthday Present (i think?)

[the marriage bed]
Where split lives congeal and stiffen to history

Going home in 3 Minutes :)

I thought id just post anyway since the school library's internet connection happened to be working-- for once.

Saw this at the school canteen on one of the noticeboards,

"Pessimists look at oppurtunities and see difficulties. Optimists look at difficulties and see oppurtunities."

I used to feel very much for such motivational (and oh so cliched) phrases, mainly because there exists a degree of truth in them, especially after you've been mulling over them for a long while.

Sadly, what i realised only after a longer while was that many of these short, sweet phrases are just-- that. Idyllic, simplistic and an altogether surface summation of what life is all about. Much in this world cannot be categorised simply into black and white simply because the world is a whorl of relationships, complexities and deeply embedded truths that would probably take more than a generation's lifetime added together to uncover (as proven; i mean look how long the whole "Earth is flat" theory lasted)

Pessimists are at the very best people who have made decisions to look at situations with a more cynical, down-to-earth, realistic point of view-- and this by itself is already full of misguided assumptions (and would probably not last a second in a GP essay). Who is to tell a real pessimist from an optimist-- unless you analyse the reasons behind every single decision they've made? (And seriously, that's not possible unless you are that person him/herself or you're a psycho-stalker)

I used to think that I was the embodiment of an optimist; along with the other good connotations that come along with it. In other words, I used to think alot of crap. Then again, I guess i still do and will continue to do so till im dead, probably. But i guess ive learned one thing over these years--


Its okay to be an optimist or a pessimist as long as you're satisfied with who you are. If you're satisfied being a pile of shit, no one's too stop you. But the inability to satisfy the human need has pushed us further, higher, faster than ever before (think olympics haha), and if we recognise this incognitive need, react on it and be whoever we strive to be i dont think being a pessimist or an optimist would affect you in anyway. i mean come on, pessimists have brains dont they?



As you can probably tell, long boring posts come when i cant post pictures. heh.

MAYDAY COM DOWN COM DOWN

If you havent realised yet, haha.
hurrah it takes place right during the Prelims!
Yay you go God slash external force looking out for my well being just so i can praise you!

hmm.

(Oh and btw GP Paper 1 today was good, but Paper 2 was pathetic. And Jacq found like one of the best smart-assed talk shows, Mock the Week!)

Bye till i get a new moniter or visit the library! ((:

Big Girls Dont Cry

Lately Ive become somewhat schizoid; my mind battles constantly to establish what it asserts is the direction for my physical body while knowing that its decision might very well be schewed by the limitations of my physical stamina. As the saying goes, "The mind is willing but the flesh is weak."

Since the start of Term 3 i struggle everyday to get to school-- the catalyst that would spark off a whole series of actions i have to take in response to the responsibilities i take on as a student in Junior College.How easy it would have been to fake ignorance for the fear of trial, to immerse oneself in play to delay work? Yet again, how difficult to go against what one believes in and to take conscious action to what will lead to later, but inevitably dire consequences.

As Jing and I talked we touched on the recipe to success, with Jingboy coming up with a brilliantly apt (extended?) metaphor. "Belief is not enough... Its like a wok, or more accurately, the fire. Without it, you wouldn't be able to do anything, to cook anything. But success comes when you combine all your ingredients and a wok with fire. Fire alone is not enough." A thought provoking coinage that questioned what i had believed in all along-- that my belief was enough to avail. And i guess in reality, its true-- as can be seen with my current love-hate relationship with Religion.

I asked Jingboy yesterday whether i needed a religion as a constant source of assurance and guidance; even though the fact that we turn to need for divine solace is only inspired by our selfish needs of a perpetual source of (a facade of?) comfort. After all, that is what religion promises to provide-- how often have we faced setbacks and told ourselves that "God wouldn't put me through what Im not capable of overcoming" and emerged the victor as a result?

But yesterday, Jingxin replied that "The purpose of the having a religion differs for every individual." And i guess that's true even though the underlying reason for acknowledging the existence of an omnipotent figure stays more or less the same-- we want someone who does the planning ahead for us, who cheers us on through our everyday trudging, who sets the standards of who we can be and who we can become. All we need to give in exchange is our sworn allegiance, and our devotion to the relationship (which is sparked off by a self centered need, anyway!)

But then i realised that the reasons for having a religion are not as complicated as the reasons for not having one. As mentioned, having a religion brings two parties into a win-win situation. After all, who worships a God that goes against the beliefs and overall wants of the individual? Even cults, paganistic worship and other less modern religions such as Animistic worship thrive till today because they seek to allay the innate needs and desires of their followers; despite how morally twisted their dogma can be.

Not having a religion forces one to think of the true reasons before engaging in one (or at least it does for me!) I would like to find out the true nature of the supreme being without having to listen and believe from others' viewpoints; and Id like to envisage the day when people dont come to me to morph me into their beliefs, but would assume that i am of a certain belief because of the things i do.


Late for school, gotta go. Im meeting Evan, yay!

Temptation

Just one.

One ten, one hundred,
one second, one click,
one dial, one whisper,
one key, one dick,

one day, one night,
one moment, one week,
one chance, one lifetime,
one more.

Just two.


Been reading "Hitler's Pope" at the slowest pace ever; it really frustrates me because there are a gazillion words i dont understand right from the very beginning of the book! Stupid book makes me feel like a total dunce sometimes (as if i dont get enough of that already!?) so to make my life easier-- and possibly yours-- im going to list down some of the difficult words that i think are worth mentioning.

be·nig·ni·ty
The quality or condition of being kind and gentle.

canonization
Official enrollment of a dead person as a saint in the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Church.

pon·tif·i·cate
the office or term of office of a pontiff

pa·pa·cy /ˈpeɪpəsi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[pey-puh-see]
the system of ecclesiastical government in which the pope is recognized as the supreme head.

pro·di·gious
extraordinary in size, amount, extent, degree, force, etc.

tapering
becoming gradually narrower

quer·u·lous
characterized by or uttered in complaint; peevish

as·sen·ta·tion
Full of or exhibiting servile compliance; fawning.

af·fec·ta·tion
conspicuous artificiality of manner or appearance; effort to attract notice by pretense, assumption, or any assumed peculiarity.

nar·cis·sism
inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.

sem·i·nar·y
a special school providing education in theology, religious history, etc., primarily to prepare students for the priesthood, ministry, or rabbinate.

sub·lime
the greatest or supreme degree.

ver·ti·go
a dizzying sensation of tilting within stable surroundings or of being in tilting or spinning surroundings.

ab·solve
1.to set free or release, as from some duty, obligation, or responsibility

2.Ecclesiastical.

a.	to grant or pronounce remission of sins to.

b.	to remit (a sin) by absolution.

c.	to declare (censure, as excommunication) removed.

col·lo·quy
a conversational exchange; dialogue.

des·pot·ism

1.	the rule of a despot; the exercise of absolute authority.

2.	absolute power or control; tyranny.

3.	an absolute or autocratic government.

THIS IS ONLY TILL PAGE 3 ZOMG. and dont tell me you know them already.

Long Walks, Quiet Repose, Insect Bites

Today felt different.

It was sweeter than usual,
a little like a mentos kiss
that leaves your lips a little icky
a little tangy
and sweet.

Eye to eye,
breast to chest,
crotch to air
creating our own little private space
in public.

Two for one,
one for two
and two to get one free
thats three.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
on a bicycle
and came tumbling

over each other.


Pasir Ris Park

After Macs and BenandJerrys, here we are at the notoriously contaminated park!






Kitty lovers are we!










:))






taught my baby how to cycle-- imma good teacher!








(New Dusk?)








Retards say bye!